Moving Forward

So we hit a milestone last week.... The momentous first day of Kindergarten. To prepare I went to the library and checked out the time honored Dr Seuss book, "Oh the Places You'll go!" My thinking was that my husband and I would read the book to Cole before bed and he would drift off to slumberland with visions of monumental success and pencils dancing in his head.

When I left the library I was feeling quiet proud of myself for thinking of such a great idea. I started to play out the scene in my head.... bath, jammys, Mommy and Daddy sitting with Cole preparing to read the story and then, I LOST IT. 

Now to some this may not seem all that shocking. However,  I have never been one of those women to cry buckets over the typical occassions (i.e. weddings, graduations).  Yet those moments have always been my own, passing moments that were incredibly fun and touching and would be life long memories but nothing to cry over. Looking forward, moving onward, no need to cry!

So there I am, driving down the road, trying to steer an incredibly large car down a super small road, crying like a baby. Lily starts to laugh, "Mommy, what are you doing?" I think she thought I was playing around (maybe mad over traffic.... now see that is something to cry over). 

I pull myself together a little bit so my voice won't wobble and say, "Oh, I am just a little happy-sad right now, that's all."

I make eye contact with Cole through the rear-view mirror, "Why," he asks?

"Well," I start to say, "Tomorrow is a big day for you. You are growing up, moving forward, starting new things. I am incredibly proud but a little sad to loose your company." 

Cole smiles, gives me his "silly you" smile, and replies, "Mommy, I am going to go far but I will always stay close to your heart!"

So very true. (sniffle, sniffle).

These moments that I have with them that effect me on so many emotional levels, are the moments that matter. Emotions that I never felt for myself, I feel for them.  I will cry at graduations, weddings, school dances (well hopefully not) and birthdays. I will laugh when they wish I would stay quiet. I will smile at things they find cringe worthy.  I will be there, when they wish I wasn't. Most of all I will always hold them close to my heart. 

"Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose. "

Dr Seuss

When I Live There....

My son has been learning about the natural progression of education. He is very interested in what steps lead you where and at what point you reach completion. He has now established that you attend Preschool, Kindergarten, little boy school, big boy school (middle school), really big boy school (High School), college and then "You do the hustle!" He means the dance (Thank You Elmo).

Since he has shown such an interest in school and where he will go, my husband thought it would be fun to take him on a drive by tour of his old college campus. I think the conversation that follows might have gone over better if we hadn't done the tour on our way to a Birthday Party!

"See that building right there, that is where the students play football and soccer," my husband explains as we are driving past the football stadium.

"WOW," explains an enthusiastic Cole, "Is that where the party is?"

"No. That is just part of the college. We will be to the party soon. See that building, that is where the students learn about space travel!" Replies my husband.

"COOL! WOW, did you see that?" Yells Cole practically bouncing out of his seat.

My husband smiles with joy, he has hit a sweet spot. Interest at last!  "Pretty neat huh Buddy!"

"No not the school thing, I saw a race car. They had a race car parked outside that building. That was so cool. Is that where the party is?" Replies a bouncing, super excited Cole.

"No Bud, this is still the college. We will be to the party soon," my husband explains. He looks over at me. I can see the thought in his head that this isn't going as planned, but he is going with it and enjoying it none the less.

We are on our way off campus, driving slowly enjoying the view and taking in everything that has changed and those rare things that haven't. My husband points out one last thing. "See those buildings over there? Those are the buildings that the students live in when they go to school here."

Surely this will not be interesting to my son. It is a building people sleep in, more or less a house. If he hasn't shown interest in a space building or football field, is this really going to be any different? I am expecting the standard response but what he says warms my heart and breaks it all at the same time.

"I will miss you when I live there," he quietly replies.

Tear, slowly falling. I look over at my husband and we exchange one of those parent glances. You know, one of those looks you give each other when something happens that you know you will never forget. Surely he wont remember having said that to us when the time actually does come to move into his dorm room. He will be all smiles and excitement, all "Bye Mom, see ya," as he dashes off to be an "adult" and on his own. He wont remember being five and saying that he would miss me, but I will.

It is those little moments and those small things that they say to me when they are young, that will get me through those years of empty nest. I promise never to forget the I love yous, the you are my best friend Mom, the I will miss yous. I promise that when they are big and they forget to say them, I wont need to hear them,  because I will have a savings account full of all those beautiful moments already.

I will miss you too, my dear one, when you live there. I will miss you too!

World of Color

My daughter is, in my humble opinion, one of the most introspective, creative, funny little girls I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Wise beyond her years and yet adorably innocent as a three year old should be.
 
She constantly tries to emulate her older brother, which at times can be dangerously amusing (I.e couch aerobics, skateboards, and verbal sparing with 10 year old boys at the park over swing rights). Her daily activities are nothing like his but somehow at the end of the day her stories about her daily activities mirror his.
 
"Yesterday at school I learnt 'bout people, lizards and smelly caterpillars!" She says to me this morning mere moments after waking. 
 
Now we have been working on "telling tales" and how they are closely related to LIES which are BAD, so I replied, "Lily, honey, you don't go to school. We talked about this." 
 
"Mom (this is what she calls me when I have disappointed her, but it sounds like Maaaawwwwwwmmmmm) I go to school! Its called the World Of Color and my teachers are Mommy, Daddy and Cole."
 
Well said.
 
The World of Color (thank you Disneys California Adventure) is Lilys school of life and I am one of her teachers. 
 

This is a job title most Mothers and Fathers aren't given enough credit for. We not only teach our children the "simple" things like how to eat with utensils, wash their important parts and speak at a volume tolerable to the human race, we also teach them about this wonderful World of Colors.  The wonderful sights, sounds, colors and textures of this world and how much we respect and enjoy them directly translates to our children through our appreciation of and how we choose to share these things with them. 

 

Fancy that, I am a teacher too. Add that to my resume. I don't get paid, there are no summer breaks, I hold nightly parent/teacher conferences with myself and my students are with me for LIFE.

That is absolutely spectacular, if you ask me. 

 

 

"Mommy, if you arent Sara, who are you?"

My children truly are wonderful creatures (yes creatures) who have taught me so much about myself and who I really am, that I find it only fitting that a simple question my 3 year old asked me today prompted me to start this blog. 

While I was sitting in my bedroom playing on the computer my daughter, my ever faithful sidekick, sat on the floor playing with a book and basking in "this beautiful day" through the glass door.  "Hey Sara," she calls out to get my attention.

"I'm not Sara, I am Mommy," I replied to her.

"Mommy, if you aren't Sara, who are you?" She replied. 

Good question. 

I have spent the last 5 1/2 years of my life being a stay at home mother to the most wonderful children ever. This was by choice and for the benefit of my children. A mutual decision my husband and I made before we ever had children. I wanted to know without a doubt that if they grew up to be mass murderers, carnies,  or deranged in any way it was for sure my fault (not that I have  anything against carnies). Maybe that makes ME crazy, which really doesn't bode well for them, but hey, that was the logic. 

So now I find myself with two children who are young enough that they still require constant attention and supervision but are starting to wonder what Mommy does and who she is? Daddy goes to work, Daddy works around toys, Daddy plays music, Daddy plays baseball........Mommy, she takes care of us. 

In fact I have been Mommy for so long I almost forgot my name. I am Mommy at home, to my children of course, but even my husband will refer to me as Mommy. "Go ask Mommy, What did Mommy say, Mommy is making dinner, Mommy said no, Listen to your Mommy, etc." I am Mommy at my sons school, "Hello Coles Mommy, Cole your Mommy is here, Ask Coles Mommy if you can have a play date." So ya, if I am not Sara, who am I? 

Well, I have decided for right this moment that I am going to be Mommy. Whats wrong with that? I like being Mommy. I was really uncomfortable for a total of almost 20 months to be Mommy. I squeezed a..... well you know through a you know TWICE to be Mommy. I lost my girlish figure to be Mommy. I wake up every morning to see those beautiful faces that made me Mommy. I watch amazing things happen every day through the eyes of my children because I am Mommy. I laugh and play everyday because I am Mommy. I love being Mommy, I wanted to be Mommy, I AM MOMMY! and I love it.  

My children say amazing things, funny things, crazy things, things that make no sense and things that make me think. They ask questions I love answering, questions I would rather not answer, and questions that have no answer. But EVERYDAY they say something that makes me think to myself, "You just said what?" Now I am going to share those things with you.